Apathetic Deception

I feel it seeping in
as if it's trying to take over;
I want to live a stainless life
but I push conviction over.
I say I want to live for You,
my days a sacrifice;
but the world, she sneers and laughs at me-
works to seductively entice.

Bathing in deception,
Swimming in an ocean of lies;
Meaningless propriety,
Dressed in glitter disguise.
A sense and feeling of power,
As if I rule it all;
I’m VIP- move over,
As my morals start to fall.
Wish I could describe it as a battle,
As if I want to fight and win it;
But though a conscience in existence,
I’m remaining apathetic.

In it, but not of it-
Is that how I’m supposed to live?
How can I hate it, if I love it?
Feel like something’s gotta give.
Seems twisted and confusing
This reality we live in.
Claim that I rely on prayer,
But so easily I give in.

Wish I was turned off at this,
Angry at my sin;
But really I don’t care right now,
Entertaining thoughts within.
They tell me that I’m worth it,
Deserve attention I desire;
Whisper dark mendacity,
Deceit that I admire.
Will truth expose my foolishness-
From which I wish I would retire?
Somewhere deep down in my heart,
Don’t I long for something higher?

King Solomon in all his wisdom,
In Ecclesiastes tells me:
He chased after all the world to find
Nothing on earth holds value in eternity.
“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
Their profit was my treasure.
And this was the reward for all my labor,
When I surveyed all my hands had done,
Everything was chasing after the wind,
Nothing gained under the sun.”