I Flee

I flee...
From the temporary offers of this earth
From the momentary pleasures where I seek my worth,
and clinging to the promise of new birth,
I flee.

I flee...
From the lie that's in the magazines
A golden carved idol and shiny things,
and looking to the God-born Nazarene,
I flee.

I flee...
From building my life all around me
Worshipping myself, or who I want to be;
as His thorn crushed flesh helps me clearly to see,
I flee.

I flee...
From feeding the hunger of laziness
Eating the bread of idleness;
Bound to His yoke, finding rest,
I flee.

I flee...
From filling my life with busyness
Worship the feeling of importance;
Instead, standing in His righteousness,
I flee.

I flee...
From being a beggar of man's approval
Always asking what they think of me;
Holding to the cross for sin removal,
I flee.

I flee...
From putting down another's name
From slander and gossip I refrain,
Repenting as I see His fame,
I flee.

I flee...
From wanting things that are not mine
Coveting, full of greed and pride;
In His Spirit, as I'm refined,
I flee.

I flee...
From dancing and performing for other's eyes
From living in flesh under a disguise;
A crown in heaven is greater, I realize,
and I flee.

I flee...
Gouging out the eye that makes me sin
Cutting off the hand that made me fall again;
Only by His grace is the Salvation of men,
so I flee.

I flee...
Not because I can alone
But because He sits upon the throne;
Since for my unrighteousness He has atoned,
I can flee.

Confusion

Shut the Good book,
confusion sinks in;
I can no longer look
at the pages within.
Doesn't make sense,
this God that I see
in the Old Testament-
can't be the One who saved me.

Look at this violence
graphic and gory;
concubines, war-
Lord, this is Your story?
Where are you in of all this?
Not acting as I thought You would;
Your silence; Israel's celebration-
seems You're condoning it as good.

Still can't open it,
now it's been a few days;
I know that You love me
but I don't understand Your ways.
I've heard it taught-
Christ reveals all of who You are;
So what I read in 2 Samuel
strikes me a bizarre.
My soul, it feels conflicted-
puzzle pieces don't fit;
am I trying to fit you in the wrong mold
and just need to submit?

Terrified to question
who You say You are;
From Your good graces-
I don't want to be far.
I know You still love me,
and allow me some space;
Your work in my life
I could never replace.
I know that You're good,
I know that You're Lord;
But still wrestling with how different You seem here
than the One I adored.
Father give me mercy,
help me understand;
Your ways are much better
than any thoughts of man.

2 Samuel 22- comfort to my mind,
water to my soul,
redemption here I find!
A Rock and a Fortress,
Deliverer, Shield;
beginning now to see
Your glory revealed.
Stronghold, Savior,
Worthy, Support;
Your image, I'm guilty
of trying to distort.
Worthy and Gentle,
Lamp in the darkness;
my character, not Yours
is the one that's a mess.

You hear, You devour,
Thunder in Your voice;
You save and bring out of trouble;
hell only comes with choice.
You sent out arrows,
sent from on high;
Rescued Your people,
pursuing Your bride.
Dealt according to righteousness,
Rewarded the clean;
Show mercy, give blamelessness-
and I thought You were mean?
Seem torturous to the wicked,
but the humble You save;
You prove to be true,
exalting Your name.
You set us secure,
You train and give peace;
equipping Your saints,
inward battle at ease.
You make enemies slip,
but deliver Your own;
to keep us in You
even left Your own throne.
These aren't just ancient stories
to which my doubting gives-
Because now, today, forever-
This mighty God, He lives!

By the water,
that's where it all makes sense.
The quiet ripples in the low tide,
movement matching the song of the cardinal beside me.
Everything is right as it should be.
Here I face, You.
Thought I would have much more to say;
Like coffee with an old friend.
I'm intimidated by the silence.
Where is my soul?
Somewhere in the busy thoughts,
worldly endeavors, sights cast on the future-
I left it behind.
Like the box of paper plates when I moved.
Thought I would refuel;
Like the water,
I would be made right-
moving only because
You made me to-
my movement singing
Your praise.
But it appears I am in the way.
I am in the way of me,
a clone blocking my sight.
Like a mirror before me,
broken image I worship.
What would it take?
I'm afraid to ask.
Scared of what I might need to
let go of.
Scared of what it requires;
of the scars that may be revealed.
Comfortable.
Why do You always move me out of that?
You know I don't handle change well.

I look at these houses around me.
On the one hand, serenity.
Closeness to the water,
everything is right.
On the other, cowardice.
Abandoning courage to fight.
And in the end?
The water continues to dance,
as the lives filled with my obsessions
turn to dust.
And for what?

Press forward. Follow through.
Finish well.
Bring me back to the water;
wash me in her tide.
Every time I visit, I need new life.
Don't just remind me,
hold me.
Make my path straight.
Give me back my courage;
gird me with Your strength.
When I'm eighty and fragile,
I want to look at the water and know,
her movement and resilience
reflect my lifelong soul.
That each day I thirsted,
You quenched and I praised;
That each day I fell at Your feet,
Oh Ancient of Days.

Something Steady

Cling to the metal bar,
holding my breath;
starting to ascend,
which just means down is coming next.
Knots tighten in my stomach
rationality gone,
I dread this roller coaster
I'm always riding on.

Magnificent altitude,
as if I'm on cloud nine;
when I'm sitting at the top,
my excitement freezes time.
So happy in love.
A check in the mail.
Big grin on my face,
optimism prevails.
Love what I do,
don't care what it costs;
passion renewed,
for reaching the lost.
Then one thing goes wrong,
I'm losing my high;
crashing the plane
my enthusiasm flies.
Roller coaster descends,
faster than expected!
And I cannot pretend,
cynicism's been detected.
My body, it aches
as the flame dwindles out;
dimming my faith
and exposing my doubt.

What I would give
to ride on a train;
one steady track-
not an energy drain.
Move at the same speed
throughout the whole ride;
adrenaline won't peak,
buy anxieties subside.
Safe and comfortable,
with space between rows;
not hanging onto handlebars,
openly exposed.

Grab onto what I can
to find some constancy;
though blessings they don't help much
on a ride with so much speed.
Good thing that they don't,
they were never meant to be
my anchor or the source
to calm or set me free.

Truth that speaks louder
than weary eyes can see;
there is, in fact, an answer
that's not complacency.
Wonderfully familiar,
constant, faint beat-
the heart of the Rock
steady underneath my feet.

A Wretch like Me

I worship and bow down,
Praise and adore
this image in the mirror,
I ceaselessly adorn.
I smile at the lies-
believe what isn’t true;
place this golden image
in the holy place of You.

Disciple you could call me-
a student of the world,
making much of who I am
and less of who You are.
I meditate and study,
on diet, hair and fashion-
but when it comes down to Your word,
I’m lacking that same passion.

I follow in his steps,
make his paths my ways-
whatever guy I have a crush on,
not Your Son who took my place.
I try hard to impress him,
make him look my way,
he robs of Your attention
as I let him take Your place.

Admire and look up to
everything they do-
those I watch in Hollywood,
not those who follow You.
I want to look just like them,
want their fame and adoration,
put them on a pedestal
that wins all my attention.

I look at what You’ve given me,
I whine and I complain,
why do I drive a messed up car-
why is there nothing in my bank?
Why do I have debt,
and nothing I can save?
Why don’t I look like her,
why is an easy road not paved?
Why can’t I have a tan,
why can’t I lose some weight?
Why can’t I be taller?
I want romantic fate.

And then I read about them,
and scoff at what they do;
those silly, stubborn Israelites
who always turn from You.
Why do they ignore,
all that You have done?
Why don’t they fall and worship You-
since they are Your chosen ones?
Don’t they see they don’t deserve
the favor that You gave?
Don’t they see that they’re a mess,
need blood shed in their place?
Don’t they understand the weight
of what You’ve taken on?
Can’t they see that You could leave?
They’d die if You were gone.

Suddenly truth shakes his head,
disappointed and let down;
His caring eyes plead with me,
highlighting his frown.
How can I become the judge
of Israel’s repeated sin?
When everything she tripped upon
also dwells within?
Everything inside of me,
broken in its nature?
Another thorn upon his crown,
piercing him with torture.

How I wish that I could say
I deserve this freeing grace;
but you read the lines
I wrote above- and see I’m a disgrace.
No matter my job title,
I’m really just the same;
As his chosen, stubborn Israel-
His bride He chose to save.
And what a heavy cost it then
tags onto Calvary;
That He would give up everything,
take brutal death for me.
Doesn’t it confuse you?
Makes our God sound crazy-
That he would take on
His own wrath,
to save someone so lazy.

But He did- it has been done,
so now all I can do;
is forsake and curse these idols-
give all I can to worship You;
Hate the sin within me,
that still tries to win me over;
Long and pray for holiness-
though I have nothing to show for
the law you gave to this earth
to live a righteous life;
It’s now Christ that lives within me,
helps me sacrifice
the things I used to live for-
That still try to bring me down,
When baptized in His spirit
those evil things all drowned.
Lord won’t You make me into,
one used to spread Your gospel;
transform this wretched life
into a life-giving vessel.
Please come and make me humble-
for I think too much of who I am;
I want to be a servant,
living out Your plan.
And may I wake up every day,
overwhelmed to see-
You gave your body and your blood,
to save a wretch like me.

As I wait

As I wait for you,
while you're not in my life;
may my heart and body be pure,
until I'm your wife.
May my mind be discerning,
of who I let in;
only viewing as brothers,
men who are friends.

As I wait for you,
keep my eyes on the cross;
forgetting my past,
and embracing the cost-
that I must pay in my singleness,
when I stand firm;
for it's not the world or her lies,
but Christ and my husband I serve.
It can be a tough choice,
when surrounded by glamour;
Hollywood's fairy tales-
though illusions, they pamper
my imagination and longings,
created for good;
but spoiled on bad,
when they're misunderstood.

As I wait for you,
I turn off the TV;
throw out magazines,
that cleverly deceive.
They tell me that love
is something I can find,
in any smart, athletic,
rich, good-looking guy.
"Do what you have to
to make him look your way;"
"Follow these 5 steps,"
the articles all say.
Well I put all this behind me,
to pursue a love that's true;
that is patient and is kind,
that's what I want to offer you.
It does not envy, does not boast;
it is not proud, it is not rude;
this is the love one day, my dear,
I want to offer you.
It is not self-serving-
does not put itself first;
is not easily angered,
does not bring out the worst.
It is quick to forgive,
keeps no record of wrongs,
does not delight in evil,
but for truth it always longs.
It protects and always trusts,
it hopes and perseveres;
it doesn't push away,
but welcomes others near.
A love that never fails,
commitment not subdued;
This love one day, beloved,
I want to give to you.

So as I wait for you,
I will guard the door;
that opens to my heart and soul,
sacred for you only to adore.
And I will put in practice
dying to myself,
so that I may serve you better-
with your patience and God's help.
I'm eager to encourage you,
and labor by your side;
so as I wait for you,
I'll practice dying to my pride.
I cannot wait to love you,
with everything I am;
cannot wait to touch you,
can't wait to hold your hand.
I'm excited to empower you,
give you courage to embrace
the strong man I know you are,
conquering all God allows to fill our plate.

As I wait for you, my love,
I want you to know:
God's developing a love for you,
that with age will only grow.
I know we'll face our trials,
fight against the storms of life;
but for better or worse,
I'm glad I'll be yours-
Love,
your future wife.

New Eyes

Help me to see with new eyes,
my vision is dim,
clouded with pride,
reduced by my sin.
Getting frustrated
with gifts I don’t have;
but I don’t turn to you,
why would I do that?
You only made everything,
hold it all in your hands;
You only gave grace,
that I can’t understand;
You only spoke peace,
broke the chains I once wore;
Only carried a cross
that I should have bore.

Help me see with new eyes,
for mine have a plank;
as I question this calling,
think I made a mistake.
Lethargic with truth
You entrusted me with;
because I’m not seeing fruit
when I pour into this.
I want to press on,
have zeal that’s unmoved-
but that’s nearly impossible
if my eyes aren’t on you;
stay “joyful in hope, patient in affliction,
faithful in prayer,”
that’s Paul’s ammunition;
joyful in hope-when things go my way;
patient and faithful?
Don’t know what to say;
Does it count as a prayer,
if I’m yelling at you?
How do I listen?
What do you speak through?

Help me see with new eyes,
for mine get distracted
with the treasures around me,
need these lenses retracted;
I whine, “it’s not fair”
when I can’t pay my bills,
yet I look like the world,
lavished with frills.
Walk by those with nothing,
tragic smile on my face,
as my eyes tell them, “sorry”
but my wallet won’t break.
And I’m far too important
to wear rags like that,
so I walk past these beggars,
refuse to look back.
Sacrifice nothing,
because I say that I can’t,
forgetting what He did,
As my image I revamp.

I can almost feel you,
looking at me;
sorrowful eyes
that want to set my soul free;
Your eyes want so much more
than the things that I grasp,
like the guidance you’d give me,
if only I’d ask;
They are the most beautiful
eyes I have seen;
The ones that see everything,
yet choose to love me.
Refusing to turn
from the garbage they see;
unspeakable rottenness
that’s rooted in me;
Forgiveness eternal,
mercy that lasts-
Lord, give me new eyes;
new eyes like that…