Why do I run?

Desperate for You
anxious for help
yet right now I don't want to ask;

For I know what I did
and from truth I hid
to bondage I turned and went back.

I was stupid and selfish,
indulged in my pride
"carefree!" I said that I was;

But now there's a distance
a gap in between
as my sinfulness separates us.

You tell me to come near
but I'm staying right here
complaining that I cannot do this;

Like a child I cry
hands covering my eyes
stubbornness dragging me through this.

How many mistakes
how many times
will I ignore what I said I would do?

How much brokenness
and how many tears
must I shed before turning to You?

Why do I run
just want to have fun
when destruction lies in its path?

Why don't I see
that You're beckoning me
sheltering me from Your wrath?

Too tired to let go
don't want to give in
yet I know that it's making me dim;

Paint a smile on my face
quote Matthew 6:25
tell others to "just trust in Him."

When the smile is gone
I'm here all alone
wondering what I can do;

Wallow in worry
embrace fear and lies
trying to steer clear of You.

Why do You reach out
with compassion and love
to someone as selfish as me?

When I jump into quicksand
aware of myself
You refuse the ruin of me.

Now I feel worse
knowing You care
and I cheapen the price of Your grace;

Teach me Your ways
move me and change me
that I would seek after Your face.