Apathetic Deception

I feel it seeping in
as if it's trying to take over;
I want to live a stainless life
but I push conviction over.
I say I want to live for You,
my days a sacrifice;
but the world, she sneers and laughs at me-
works to seductively entice.

Bathing in deception,
Swimming in an ocean of lies;
Meaningless propriety,
Dressed in glitter disguise.
A sense and feeling of power,
As if I rule it all;
I’m VIP- move over,
As my morals start to fall.
Wish I could describe it as a battle,
As if I want to fight and win it;
But though a conscience in existence,
I’m remaining apathetic.

In it, but not of it-
Is that how I’m supposed to live?
How can I hate it, if I love it?
Feel like something’s gotta give.
Seems twisted and confusing
This reality we live in.
Claim that I rely on prayer,
But so easily I give in.

Wish I was turned off at this,
Angry at my sin;
But really I don’t care right now,
Entertaining thoughts within.
They tell me that I’m worth it,
Deserve attention I desire;
Whisper dark mendacity,
Deceit that I admire.
Will truth expose my foolishness-
From which I wish I would retire?
Somewhere deep down in my heart,
Don’t I long for something higher?

King Solomon in all his wisdom,
In Ecclesiastes tells me:
He chased after all the world to find
Nothing on earth holds value in eternity.
“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
Their profit was my treasure.
And this was the reward for all my labor,
When I surveyed all my hands had done,
Everything was chasing after the wind,
Nothing gained under the sun.”

A Woman's Battle: What is Beauty?

I just want to be real,
who You designed me to be.
Lord I want to be something
surpassing a fading beauty.
I want them to stop-
these lies surrounding me,
so easily they sneak in
corrupting my body

They say I have to be perfect
Skinny. Tall. Flawless.
But is it all worth it?
Seeking after a prize
that cannot be attained;
"Mirror, mirror on the wall..."
but could I ever really be
the fairest of them all?

She smile's up at me
from the front page of my magazine.
Her teeth are white and straight,
but through them she lies to me.
"Try harder. You can't afford
to slow down."
So I speed up on the treadmill,
wipe the sweat off my brow.
I want to cry.
But I've got to be tough.
If I don't try real hard,
I may not be enough.
The world is fierce
and my heart longs for love;
but glance back at her image
and I don't measure up.
"Lord!" I cry out,
as emotions erupt.

5'9. Size 2. Rock hard abs.
Long hair. Great curves. Perfect smile.
I want everything she has.
She still stares at me from the cover.
5'1. Size 2. Not so perfect.
I stare at myself in the mirror.

This vanity disgusts me,
but I cannot get away
and loathing in self pity
seems my only escape.
Created in Your image
yet I bargain still with shame;
a goddess made of vapor
-and idol in Your place.

A gentleness presses on my heart
tells me it will be alright;
starts girding me with armor
helping me in this fight.
"You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me."
"You formed my inward parts.
In my mother's womb You knit me."
"I praise You for I am fearfully
and wonderfully made."
"For physical training is of some value
but godliness has value for all things,
holding promise for both
the present life, and the life to come."

Then strength rises within me
insecurities suppressed,
I breathe a sigh of relief
as I collapse in this rest.
He made me, and He's known me,
He called me to be His;
fights my battles with His sword
when I'm breaking down like this.
I don't know why He loves me
but His love will never die;
He paid the highest cost for me,
giving me His life.

What is beauty?
The world tells me
that after it, I must run.
But truth says that beauty comes
from the One I love.
He fervently pursued me,
covered me with grace;
when I think about Him
can't wipe this smile off my face =)

What am I chasing after,
that He cannot give to me?
Forgive me for my vain pursuit,
from these chains Lord, set me free.
I offer You my body-
in Your image, that's been made
with it I will serve You,
Your name on it engraved.
For, "charm is deceitful
and beauty is in vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord,
she shall be praised."