Confusion

Shut the Good book,
confusion sinks in;
I can no longer look
at the pages within.
Doesn't make sense,
this God that I see
in the Old Testament-
can't be the One who saved me.

Look at this violence
graphic and gory;
concubines, war-
Lord, this is Your story?
Where are you in of all this?
Not acting as I thought You would;
Your silence; Israel's celebration-
seems You're condoning it as good.

Still can't open it,
now it's been a few days;
I know that You love me
but I don't understand Your ways.
I've heard it taught-
Christ reveals all of who You are;
So what I read in 2 Samuel
strikes me a bizarre.
My soul, it feels conflicted-
puzzle pieces don't fit;
am I trying to fit you in the wrong mold
and just need to submit?

Terrified to question
who You say You are;
From Your good graces-
I don't want to be far.
I know You still love me,
and allow me some space;
Your work in my life
I could never replace.
I know that You're good,
I know that You're Lord;
But still wrestling with how different You seem here
than the One I adored.
Father give me mercy,
help me understand;
Your ways are much better
than any thoughts of man.

2 Samuel 22- comfort to my mind,
water to my soul,
redemption here I find!
A Rock and a Fortress,
Deliverer, Shield;
beginning now to see
Your glory revealed.
Stronghold, Savior,
Worthy, Support;
Your image, I'm guilty
of trying to distort.
Worthy and Gentle,
Lamp in the darkness;
my character, not Yours
is the one that's a mess.

You hear, You devour,
Thunder in Your voice;
You save and bring out of trouble;
hell only comes with choice.
You sent out arrows,
sent from on high;
Rescued Your people,
pursuing Your bride.
Dealt according to righteousness,
Rewarded the clean;
Show mercy, give blamelessness-
and I thought You were mean?
Seem torturous to the wicked,
but the humble You save;
You prove to be true,
exalting Your name.
You set us secure,
You train and give peace;
equipping Your saints,
inward battle at ease.
You make enemies slip,
but deliver Your own;
to keep us in You
even left Your own throne.
These aren't just ancient stories
to which my doubting gives-
Because now, today, forever-
This mighty God, He lives!