Desperate for You
anxious for help
yet right now I don't want to ask;
For I know what I did
and from truth I hid
to bondage I turned and went back.
I was stupid and selfish,
indulged in my pride
"carefree!" I said that I was;
But now there's a distance
a gap in between
as my sinfulness separates us.
You tell me to come near
but I'm staying right here
complaining that I cannot do this;
Like a child I cry
hands covering my eyes
stubbornness dragging me through this.
How many mistakes
how many times
will I ignore what I said I would do?
How much brokenness
and how many tears
must I shed before turning to You?
Why do I run
just want to have fun
when destruction lies in its path?
Why don't I see
that You're beckoning me
sheltering me from Your wrath?
Too tired to let go
don't want to give in
yet I know that it's making me dim;
Paint a smile on my face
quote Matthew 6:25
tell others to "just trust in Him."
When the smile is gone
I'm here all alone
wondering what I can do;
Wallow in worry
embrace fear and lies
trying to steer clear of You.
Why do You reach out
with compassion and love
to someone as selfish as me?
When I jump into quicksand
aware of myself
You refuse the ruin of me.
Now I feel worse
knowing You care
and I cheapen the price of Your grace;
Teach me Your ways
move me and change me
that I would seek after Your face.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The 5 Stages to Becoming a Coffee Drinker
I am sure that there are some people in the world who like the taste of a cup of coffee from the day they leave the womb. For the rest of us, however, it doesn't happen quite so quickly.
I was hanging out with my roommate Lauren a couple of days ago, when we stopped by the coffee shop across the street from our adorable little cottage in Carrboro for a morning cup of joe (cup of life, if you're like me...) I was surprised when Lauren bought a cup of coffee, because she normally does not partake in the morning brewing of coffee that Emily (my other roommate) and I participate in daily. Lauren explained that she has just recently started liking coffee from coffee shops, like Caribou or Starbucks, but she does not yet like home brewed coffee.
If you know me, you know how my brain works- this got me thinking. I thought back to my own process of becoming a coffee drinker. And here's what I discovered: there are usually 5 stages to becoming a coffee drinker. Let me enlighten you:
Stage 1: MochaLatteFrappucino
The first stage to becoming a coffee drinker is enjoying the fancy coffee mixed drinks: you know, the double whipped, caramel, chocolate, triple chunk mocha latte frappuchinos or what have you. You like to have a little bit of coffee with your sugar. Now, we all know that the mochalattefrappuchino drinkers are not yet real coffee drinkers- but they are getting their feet wet, as they are introduced to the wonderful flavor of coffee...
Stage 2: "Small Coffee with a shot of flavor please"
You know when a person has crossed over the 1st threshold and into the 2nd stage of becoming a coffee drinker, when they start saving money because they are no longer ordering the fancy dessert drinks. Instead of $5, their new drink of choice at Caribou costs them $2.10. $1.55 for a small cup of coffee, $.55 for a shot of flavor. And don't forget to add lots of cream and sugar! This person has begun to cross the line from faux-coffee drinker, to typical American that has to get up early in the morning...
At this stage, you are starting to get used to "coffee language." Your order may sound something like this, "I would like a skinny, light roast with room please." (translation: I would like a non-fat, light coffee blend with room for cream)
Stage 3: Warming up
In the 3rd stage to becoming a coffee drinker, the person no longer pays the $.55 extra for a shot of flavor in their coffee. They order a regular coffee- likely still adding a good amount of cream & sugar. This is the stage my roommate Lauren is at. You might be asking yourself, "why is this person not a full fledged coffee drinker yet? They're drinking regular coffee now." The difference, my friends, is that the person in the "Warming up" stage, will only order coffee every now and then, and they do not brew their own. It is not vital for them to get through their day, and they wouldn't know quite what to do with a coffee filter. They are simply warming up to the fact that coffee is goooooood.
Stage 4: Lifeline
When a person has crossed the bridge from Warming up to coffee, to coffee becoming something that they rely on- you know that they have become a true coffee drinker. The lifeline stage is when a person starts to drink coffee every morning- home brewed. When you need a Thermos to take coffee with you on the go, or you start to have your 2 favorite coffee mugs that you interchangeably drink from each morning, and you can't possibly imagine your life without it- you are probably a Lifeline coffee drinker.
Stage 5: Straight UP
The 5th and final stage to becoming a coffee drinker, is when you drink your coffee black. Straight up. You think that cream & sugar are for kids. You enjoy the bitter taste of coffee with no enhancements. You consider mochalattefrappuchinos to be coffee on steroids. You pity those who doctor up their coffee, b/c though you may never admit this aloud, you secretly think you are just a little bit better than they are...
At this stage, it is likely that you will drink any kind of coffee from anywhere if you are desperate. If it comes down to a dinky gas station in nowheresville, North Dakota that looks like it still lives in the 1940s- you don't care. If you have no other access to coffee- you'll take it.
It is also at this stage that you may have to brew an entire pot of coffee in the morning, so that you can take it with you during the day with a thermostat- refilling your coffee mug throughout your workday.
*Disclaimer: my disclaimer to this theory, is that there are always exceptions. Like I said, some may be born loving coffee. Some people may skip a stage or two in their journey to becoming a coffee drinker. However, based on observation and pure genius- I believe that this can be assumed to be the general process to becoming a coffee drinker.
I was hanging out with my roommate Lauren a couple of days ago, when we stopped by the coffee shop across the street from our adorable little cottage in Carrboro for a morning cup of joe (cup of life, if you're like me...) I was surprised when Lauren bought a cup of coffee, because she normally does not partake in the morning brewing of coffee that Emily (my other roommate) and I participate in daily. Lauren explained that she has just recently started liking coffee from coffee shops, like Caribou or Starbucks, but she does not yet like home brewed coffee.
If you know me, you know how my brain works- this got me thinking. I thought back to my own process of becoming a coffee drinker. And here's what I discovered: there are usually 5 stages to becoming a coffee drinker. Let me enlighten you:
Stage 1: MochaLatteFrappucino
The first stage to becoming a coffee drinker is enjoying the fancy coffee mixed drinks: you know, the double whipped, caramel, chocolate, triple chunk mocha latte frappuchinos or what have you. You like to have a little bit of coffee with your sugar. Now, we all know that the mochalattefrappuchino drinkers are not yet real coffee drinkers- but they are getting their feet wet, as they are introduced to the wonderful flavor of coffee...
Stage 2: "Small Coffee with a shot of flavor please"
You know when a person has crossed over the 1st threshold and into the 2nd stage of becoming a coffee drinker, when they start saving money because they are no longer ordering the fancy dessert drinks. Instead of $5, their new drink of choice at Caribou costs them $2.10. $1.55 for a small cup of coffee, $.55 for a shot of flavor. And don't forget to add lots of cream and sugar! This person has begun to cross the line from faux-coffee drinker, to typical American that has to get up early in the morning...
At this stage, you are starting to get used to "coffee language." Your order may sound something like this, "I would like a skinny, light roast with room please." (translation: I would like a non-fat, light coffee blend with room for cream)
Stage 3: Warming up
In the 3rd stage to becoming a coffee drinker, the person no longer pays the $.55 extra for a shot of flavor in their coffee. They order a regular coffee- likely still adding a good amount of cream & sugar. This is the stage my roommate Lauren is at. You might be asking yourself, "why is this person not a full fledged coffee drinker yet? They're drinking regular coffee now." The difference, my friends, is that the person in the "Warming up" stage, will only order coffee every now and then, and they do not brew their own. It is not vital for them to get through their day, and they wouldn't know quite what to do with a coffee filter. They are simply warming up to the fact that coffee is goooooood.
Stage 4: Lifeline
When a person has crossed the bridge from Warming up to coffee, to coffee becoming something that they rely on- you know that they have become a true coffee drinker. The lifeline stage is when a person starts to drink coffee every morning- home brewed. When you need a Thermos to take coffee with you on the go, or you start to have your 2 favorite coffee mugs that you interchangeably drink from each morning, and you can't possibly imagine your life without it- you are probably a Lifeline coffee drinker.
Stage 5: Straight UP
The 5th and final stage to becoming a coffee drinker, is when you drink your coffee black. Straight up. You think that cream & sugar are for kids. You enjoy the bitter taste of coffee with no enhancements. You consider mochalattefrappuchinos to be coffee on steroids. You pity those who doctor up their coffee, b/c though you may never admit this aloud, you secretly think you are just a little bit better than they are...
At this stage, it is likely that you will drink any kind of coffee from anywhere if you are desperate. If it comes down to a dinky gas station in nowheresville, North Dakota that looks like it still lives in the 1940s- you don't care. If you have no other access to coffee- you'll take it.
It is also at this stage that you may have to brew an entire pot of coffee in the morning, so that you can take it with you during the day with a thermostat- refilling your coffee mug throughout your workday.
*Disclaimer: my disclaimer to this theory, is that there are always exceptions. Like I said, some may be born loving coffee. Some people may skip a stage or two in their journey to becoming a coffee drinker. However, based on observation and pure genius- I believe that this can be assumed to be the general process to becoming a coffee drinker.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Frozen Compassion
In a world full of wolves that are after my flesh,
I am finding it hard to survive;
fighting to grasp to Your promise,
the claim You have laid on my life.
But why must I carry this burden?
Knowing those who may never
know You?
I beg for Your Spirit to move them;
there's not much else I can do.
My eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and body with grief;1
for those that I know chasing idols-
from their bondage they have no relief.
Broken and crushed in this anguish
as lost sheep around me just laugh;
indulging in lies
that are making them drown,
unaware sin requires your wrath.
Is this how you felt on the cross?
at your side, a man who would die.
when you offered forgiveness
he scoffed and refused,
never to see paradise.2
How did you bear that great burden?
watching eternity slip through his hands?
I trust Your heart and Your will God,
but how could this be in Your plan?
I want to speak of Your name,
but my lips seem to be frozen shut;
how do I explain in once instance,
all that Your mercy has done?
But compassion in me only matters,
if it's translated into action.
Your truth holds infinite freedom
help me proclaim it, Lord, with a passion.
Since You are my Rock and my Fortress
for the sake of Your name
lead and guide me;
Redeem me, O LORD, God of truth,
from the traps that are set all around me.3
Seems impossible that You would use me-
I, who am but ashes and dust;
but souls all around me are dying of thirst
so press on for the gospel I must.
Hold galaxies in place with Your power,
yet You number the hairs on my head;4
You watch every sparrow that falls,
yet sustain me as my daily bread.5
I can't understand how You work Lord,
Your thoughts are far greater than mine;
but I know that You humbled Yourself
to Your death
to make wretched sinners Your prize.
Do I tremble and quake in Your presence?
Wish I could say that I do;
I wonder how small and how skewed, Lord;
how weak my perception is of You...
Will You take this day and ordain it?
Make me a vessel for You.
A conduit of Your sovereign grace,
molded jar of clay You can use.6
Show me what I can say Lord,
that glory be brought to Your name;
teach me more of who You are,
that my life may speak of Your fame.
1 Psalm 31:9
2 Luke 23
3 Psalm 31:3-5
4 Luke 12:7
5 Deut. 8:3
6 2 Cor. 4:7
I am finding it hard to survive;
fighting to grasp to Your promise,
the claim You have laid on my life.
But why must I carry this burden?
Knowing those who may never
know You?
I beg for Your Spirit to move them;
there's not much else I can do.
My eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and body with grief;1
for those that I know chasing idols-
from their bondage they have no relief.
Broken and crushed in this anguish
as lost sheep around me just laugh;
indulging in lies
that are making them drown,
unaware sin requires your wrath.
Is this how you felt on the cross?
at your side, a man who would die.
when you offered forgiveness
he scoffed and refused,
never to see paradise.2
How did you bear that great burden?
watching eternity slip through his hands?
I trust Your heart and Your will God,
but how could this be in Your plan?
I want to speak of Your name,
but my lips seem to be frozen shut;
how do I explain in once instance,
all that Your mercy has done?
But compassion in me only matters,
if it's translated into action.
Your truth holds infinite freedom
help me proclaim it, Lord, with a passion.
Since You are my Rock and my Fortress
for the sake of Your name
lead and guide me;
Redeem me, O LORD, God of truth,
from the traps that are set all around me.3
Seems impossible that You would use me-
I, who am but ashes and dust;
but souls all around me are dying of thirst
so press on for the gospel I must.
Hold galaxies in place with Your power,
yet You number the hairs on my head;4
You watch every sparrow that falls,
yet sustain me as my daily bread.5
I can't understand how You work Lord,
Your thoughts are far greater than mine;
but I know that You humbled Yourself
to Your death
to make wretched sinners Your prize.
Do I tremble and quake in Your presence?
Wish I could say that I do;
I wonder how small and how skewed, Lord;
how weak my perception is of You...
Will You take this day and ordain it?
Make me a vessel for You.
A conduit of Your sovereign grace,
molded jar of clay You can use.6
Show me what I can say Lord,
that glory be brought to Your name;
teach me more of who You are,
that my life may speak of Your fame.
1 Psalm 31:9
2 Luke 23
3 Psalm 31:3-5
4 Luke 12:7
5 Deut. 8:3
6 2 Cor. 4:7
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Chariots of Fire
I feel so small and worthless
In this calling that You gave;
I feel like I can’t do this-
can’t hold it all in place.
I wish I weren’t so little
next to giants that surround me.
I need some help-
a stool or stilts,
a lift so I can see.
At times I just don’t get it-
why did You choose this path?
I don’t have much to offer-
so much in which I lack.
You’ve made it clear I need this,
and You’ve called me to this life;
but incompetence defines me
All I am cannot suffice.
A mountain stands before me
but I have no hiking gear;
You say You’ve gone before me,
but I don’t see You here.
How do I climb this mountain
when I am not equipped?
What if I miss a step or two-
what if I fall or slip?
Did David ever feel this-
standing in Goliath’s wrath?
With one small stone
He won the fight-
God’s glory showed its path.
Supposed to be a leader-
yet I’m terrified and shy.
I feel alone,
can’t look ahead,
as I often wonder why…
Why do You look upon me
with favor in Your eyes?
Why did you come after me-
redeem my sinful life?
Why do you even bother?
So much patience with my will;
As I’m stubbornly resisting
The grace You give me still.
Surrender is all I have to do,
cannot embrace this depth.
You tell me it’s ok I’m weak-
alright that I’m inept.
You are exceedingly stronger
than any living man;
and You will show Your majesty
as through my life You work Your plan.
Though I don’t see You beside me
You promise You are there,
open my eyes so I can see-
Lord, take away my fear.
This blindness is distracting me
from the life to which I aspire,
Will You open my eyes
so I can see
the Chariots of fire?
Because You are fighting for me
each and every day;
I need to acknowledge that this is true,
need to hit my knees and pray.
Then I will find a peaceful heart
as anxiety dissolves;
You are my Rock, my Fortress-
Lord, You are my All in All.
"He said, 'do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.' Then Elisha prayed and said, 'O LORD, please open his eyes that he may see.' So the LORD opened the eyes of the young man, and he say, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." -2 Kings 6:16-17
"Moses said to the LORD, 'You have been telling me, 'lead these people,' but You have not let me know whom You will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If You are pleased with me, teach me Your ways so I may know You and continue to find favor with You. Remember that this nation is Your people.' The LORD replied, 'My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'"
In this calling that You gave;
I feel like I can’t do this-
can’t hold it all in place.
I wish I weren’t so little
next to giants that surround me.
I need some help-
a stool or stilts,
a lift so I can see.
At times I just don’t get it-
why did You choose this path?
I don’t have much to offer-
so much in which I lack.
You’ve made it clear I need this,
and You’ve called me to this life;
but incompetence defines me
All I am cannot suffice.
A mountain stands before me
but I have no hiking gear;
You say You’ve gone before me,
but I don’t see You here.
How do I climb this mountain
when I am not equipped?
What if I miss a step or two-
what if I fall or slip?
Did David ever feel this-
standing in Goliath’s wrath?
With one small stone
He won the fight-
God’s glory showed its path.
Supposed to be a leader-
yet I’m terrified and shy.
I feel alone,
can’t look ahead,
as I often wonder why…
Why do You look upon me
with favor in Your eyes?
Why did you come after me-
redeem my sinful life?
Why do you even bother?
So much patience with my will;
As I’m stubbornly resisting
The grace You give me still.
Surrender is all I have to do,
cannot embrace this depth.
You tell me it’s ok I’m weak-
alright that I’m inept.
You are exceedingly stronger
than any living man;
and You will show Your majesty
as through my life You work Your plan.
Though I don’t see You beside me
You promise You are there,
open my eyes so I can see-
Lord, take away my fear.
This blindness is distracting me
from the life to which I aspire,
Will You open my eyes
so I can see
the Chariots of fire?
Because You are fighting for me
each and every day;
I need to acknowledge that this is true,
need to hit my knees and pray.
Then I will find a peaceful heart
as anxiety dissolves;
You are my Rock, my Fortress-
Lord, You are my All in All.
"He said, 'do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.' Then Elisha prayed and said, 'O LORD, please open his eyes that he may see.' So the LORD opened the eyes of the young man, and he say, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." -2 Kings 6:16-17
"Moses said to the LORD, 'You have been telling me, 'lead these people,' but You have not let me know whom You will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If You are pleased with me, teach me Your ways so I may know You and continue to find favor with You. Remember that this nation is Your people.' The LORD replied, 'My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'"
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