A Wretch like Me

I worship and bow down,
Praise and adore
this image in the mirror,
I ceaselessly adorn.
I smile at the lies-
believe what isn’t true;
place this golden image
in the holy place of You.

Disciple you could call me-
a student of the world,
making much of who I am
and less of who You are.
I meditate and study,
on diet, hair and fashion-
but when it comes down to Your word,
I’m lacking that same passion.

I follow in his steps,
make his paths my ways-
whatever guy I have a crush on,
not Your Son who took my place.
I try hard to impress him,
make him look my way,
he robs of Your attention
as I let him take Your place.

Admire and look up to
everything they do-
those I watch in Hollywood,
not those who follow You.
I want to look just like them,
want their fame and adoration,
put them on a pedestal
that wins all my attention.

I look at what You’ve given me,
I whine and I complain,
why do I drive a messed up car-
why is there nothing in my bank?
Why do I have debt,
and nothing I can save?
Why don’t I look like her,
why is an easy road not paved?
Why can’t I have a tan,
why can’t I lose some weight?
Why can’t I be taller?
I want romantic fate.

And then I read about them,
and scoff at what they do;
those silly, stubborn Israelites
who always turn from You.
Why do they ignore,
all that You have done?
Why don’t they fall and worship You-
since they are Your chosen ones?
Don’t they see they don’t deserve
the favor that You gave?
Don’t they see that they’re a mess,
need blood shed in their place?
Don’t they understand the weight
of what You’ve taken on?
Can’t they see that You could leave?
They’d die if You were gone.

Suddenly truth shakes his head,
disappointed and let down;
His caring eyes plead with me,
highlighting his frown.
How can I become the judge
of Israel’s repeated sin?
When everything she tripped upon
also dwells within?
Everything inside of me,
broken in its nature?
Another thorn upon his crown,
piercing him with torture.

How I wish that I could say
I deserve this freeing grace;
but you read the lines
I wrote above- and see I’m a disgrace.
No matter my job title,
I’m really just the same;
As his chosen, stubborn Israel-
His bride He chose to save.
And what a heavy cost it then
tags onto Calvary;
That He would give up everything,
take brutal death for me.
Doesn’t it confuse you?
Makes our God sound crazy-
That he would take on
His own wrath,
to save someone so lazy.

But He did- it has been done,
so now all I can do;
is forsake and curse these idols-
give all I can to worship You;
Hate the sin within me,
that still tries to win me over;
Long and pray for holiness-
though I have nothing to show for
the law you gave to this earth
to live a righteous life;
It’s now Christ that lives within me,
helps me sacrifice
the things I used to live for-
That still try to bring me down,
When baptized in His spirit
those evil things all drowned.
Lord won’t You make me into,
one used to spread Your gospel;
transform this wretched life
into a life-giving vessel.
Please come and make me humble-
for I think too much of who I am;
I want to be a servant,
living out Your plan.
And may I wake up every day,
overwhelmed to see-
You gave your body and your blood,
to save a wretch like me.

As I wait

As I wait for you,
while you're not in my life;
may my heart and body be pure,
until I'm your wife.
May my mind be discerning,
of who I let in;
only viewing as brothers,
men who are friends.

As I wait for you,
keep my eyes on the cross;
forgetting my past,
and embracing the cost-
that I must pay in my singleness,
when I stand firm;
for it's not the world or her lies,
but Christ and my husband I serve.
It can be a tough choice,
when surrounded by glamour;
Hollywood's fairy tales-
though illusions, they pamper
my imagination and longings,
created for good;
but spoiled on bad,
when they're misunderstood.

As I wait for you,
I turn off the TV;
throw out magazines,
that cleverly deceive.
They tell me that love
is something I can find,
in any smart, athletic,
rich, good-looking guy.
"Do what you have to
to make him look your way;"
"Follow these 5 steps,"
the articles all say.
Well I put all this behind me,
to pursue a love that's true;
that is patient and is kind,
that's what I want to offer you.
It does not envy, does not boast;
it is not proud, it is not rude;
this is the love one day, my dear,
I want to offer you.
It is not self-serving-
does not put itself first;
is not easily angered,
does not bring out the worst.
It is quick to forgive,
keeps no record of wrongs,
does not delight in evil,
but for truth it always longs.
It protects and always trusts,
it hopes and perseveres;
it doesn't push away,
but welcomes others near.
A love that never fails,
commitment not subdued;
This love one day, beloved,
I want to give to you.

So as I wait for you,
I will guard the door;
that opens to my heart and soul,
sacred for you only to adore.
And I will put in practice
dying to myself,
so that I may serve you better-
with your patience and God's help.
I'm eager to encourage you,
and labor by your side;
so as I wait for you,
I'll practice dying to my pride.
I cannot wait to love you,
with everything I am;
cannot wait to touch you,
can't wait to hold your hand.
I'm excited to empower you,
give you courage to embrace
the strong man I know you are,
conquering all God allows to fill our plate.

As I wait for you, my love,
I want you to know:
God's developing a love for you,
that with age will only grow.
I know we'll face our trials,
fight against the storms of life;
but for better or worse,
I'm glad I'll be yours-
Love,
your future wife.